As we get closer to the release of my book, I find myself having doubts. Just the typical thoughts that everyone have when about to make a presentation or ask an important question to your crush. That mix of nervousness and embarrassment, does that make sense?? I remember thinking “what if I make a mistake?” Or “what if nobody likes it??” Whenever I’d have to make a presentation in a communications class in college or in high school.
The main similarities between that experience and writing a book then sharing it with “friends” is the same doubt and embarrassment when I released my first book, I decided to use another alias and test it out on strangers so I could one day release another. I don’t seek fame or fortune, but shit, releasing and advertising it to strangers made me develop a following of 2500+ throughout Twitter, IG and my blog with a 5 star rating on Amazon…
But that wasn’t enough.
Although I still refuse to release my first book to MY public, I’m hoping this second book could hopefully be an informative and captivating read. After well over a year of searching my feelings, research and understanding the minds of both male and female individuals, I tried to infuse our modern lifestyle and speak upon topics that have relevance to the many issues of today’s society. Domestic violence, sexual assault, rape culture in dating/relationships, racism towards interracial couples/preferences for or against a certain race, the romanticizing of toxicity and so much more. Which actually brings me to today’s topic and another excerpt from Chapter 2 of my book, “The Modernization Of Love & Infidelity”: Love Vs. Manipulation, issues in all kinds of relationships.
I hope you enjoy the read!
Chapter 2: Love
Subtopic: Love vs Manipulation (an excerpt)
I’ve always been the type to do what I can for my significant other. From foot rubs to other favors that would leave her twitching from awe.
I thought I was good enough to keep her happy, I was willing to yell out her name for the world to hear, even tattoo her initials on my chest right over the scars that were slowly healing. I hoped that our mutuality would last just as long as those letters displayed boldly across my torso.
I thought that nothing I did would push her away, I was convinced that she would wipe away my mishandlings as elegantly as she wiped those tears from her cheeks. Her skin left glistening after each tear raced down her face as if it was trying to reach her neck before being patted dry. It felt as if the more tears she cleared; the more her love was cleared along with them.
Eventually, it felt like I was speaking only to myself when trying to convince an audience who saw the same flaws she saw in me. But there’s the main difference. While everyone else judged me for each flaw I unknowingly portrayed, she adored me. Those flaws are what she fell in love with. Those flaws are what made me stand out from the hundreds of men trying to be in my exact position. The beauty of our time, stunning and breathtaking; as we kissed, as we laughed and as she laid with the manipulative and conniving ghoul I had become.
See, when you’re like me and deeply flawed, you learn how to use your flaws. How, you ask? Well, when you warp your flaws to the point that they look like a unique quality rather than a damning disposition, you can truly become whoever you want to. You can be the ”hood person” that she lusts over because social media told her felonies and the projects are attractive. You could be the warrior that she craves to protect her because the books she read as a child portrayed the princess as a weak woman who needs the brave knight’s help, and to give herself once she’s saved. You can even become the source of financial and emotional stability that she needs because her mother has introduced multiple men throughout her childhood that took responsibility of a family that isn’t his. That’s who I had become, one man, multiple personalities to suit specific scenarios.
What exactly is this though? Is it being one’s true self? No. Manipulation so you could bend and control her at will? Perhaps. Prevarication so that you don’t reveal how damaged you truly are? Absolutely or not at all but if you decide to take that route: Pray that she doesn’t see through your act because the second your true nature prevails, that lust she once had and those cravings for you that would drive her wild will quickly disperse. At that instance, she won’t love you for you, she will only love that picture you painted. She loved the character you played. Your true role will be the stranger who she doesn’t recognize. She will feel disgusted for laying with you, disgusted for putting her lips all over you, and disgusted for even loving you.
Some of us do just that though, we become another person – who we think our partner wants- and we play the role faithfully. Manipulation happens over time, so once you gain the trust of whoever is in your corner, it’s easier for them to overlook any red flags. Portraying yourself as a good person will have your partner excuse whatever toxic behaviors you have because in their eyes; “he’s is just having a bad day. He’s a actually a really good person.” The thing is, the word “manipulation” is tossed around so frequently that people assume they could immediately identify it, but it’s not always that simple. Manipulation can be subtle and almost always targets the victim’s emotions. As the manipulator sees that they are trusted it’s much easier to sell a dream.
It’s actually super common. From victimizing yourself so that your partner is wrapped around your finger, to implanting subtle opinions of their loved ones so that over time they isolate themselves to the world. “I can’t stand when Sally laughs, it’s super annoying” or “did you see how George treated his girlfriend? I don’t think he’s too good of a guy.” Thus resulting in the victim becoming totally dependent and overlooks any negative mannerisms. A foundation of trust is crucial, the justification of red flags, the typical “that’s my boy, he’d never intentionally hurt me” point of view throughout any relationship makes it unbelievably easy to target any loved one.
Although the manipulator may have been good in the past, remember… He will constantly remind you the he is still a good guy right? Remember when he lent you $5 and never let you live it down? Yeah. Or how about every time he takes you out to eat or let’s you use his car just for him to pull out his phone calculator and go, “hold on let me do some math… you owe me $26.78 for the food and $10 for gas.” Some might say that’s being cheap, well to me that’s also a form a manipulation. Those constant reminders and put downs won’t really bother you at first because of that exact foundation of trust and love built over a certain time frame. They know it. Your friends know it. Your parents know it. But you? “Nah, that’s just how he is.” You refuse to believe that they could ever be that kind of person even if they’re doing it every day.
Although, you can’t force someone to love you, nor look your way. We live in an era where physical attraction is everything and playing a critical role is expected. But no matter what route we take, we all crave a sincere love. How could it be sincere if we’re not even honest about who we really are though? Which reminds me, your partner will practice passive aggression and/or threaten self harm or to harm you because of our natural human instincts. Unless you’re a complete sociopath/narcissist, you don’t like seeing the people you love in pain. You feel guilty for saying “no” to their requests for sex so you get all sexy and give yourself up even if you’re not feeling good. You feel bad for having bills and not being able to give them the money they need so you ignore your own responsibilities and tend to theirs. They use emotional blackmail in order to control and manipulate you by making you feel guilty, afraid, obligated etc. A very common practice seen in almost every relationship you know.
Shit, I remember trying to break up with my high school girlfriend and she hit me with the “if you leave I’m going to kill myself!” Or “I hate myself, I deserve to die!” And although I didn’t like that, I stayed for another year of pain and isolation because of the guilt she made me feel. It was as if I felt responsible for making her feel like she
Though, as a formerly manipulative individual myself, I went on to use the same technique almost 5 years later on the woman I claimed to “love and adore.” That self-harm/self-belittling is a technique that many use so that their victims feel obligated to take on responsibilities that don’t concern then BUT they feel like they have to. Making you feel better, is what they want because they love and care about you immensely.
Imagine if we didn’t have flaws for another to love. Imagine being perfect inside and out. Would that be enough to hold someone’s interest? What does perfection even mean? Never making a mistake, never stressing yourself nor the person you love? Always on time, always smiling? Who decides what perfect means?
I once read the quote, “Take me as I am, Whoever I am.” Short, simple and to the point. From then on I did absolutely nothing different, it’s as if I didn’t learn any valuable lessons from the vast meaning behind those few words. Words that speak on issues such as mental illness, clearly state, “I am not perfect, so accept it or not, I will continue to be the person I am.” Obviously at the time I was so stuck on BEING SOMEONE ELSE that I didn’t truly appreciate the actual meaning.
Years later, and my heart still healing from my very first heart break, I finally understood. I had struggled with my own forms of mental illness, battled with addiction and felt as if I wasted years of my life trying to please someone who was not willing to love me. Again, it’s not a highly complex puzzle but it can seem complicated to even the most intellectually inclined. It’s all about experience and self-awareness. A person with a million IQ who has never experienced love could never truly understand the feeling of accepting and loving yourself enough to never settle for less. Sometimes I wish I never fell in love but then I feel grateful to even have the opportunity to create a bond with all of these amazing and beautiful individuals who gave me the time. Even if it almost always ended in manipulation and abuse.
We see our partners and claim that they are perfect or our soul mates, but is that an excuse to let them bend us over, fuck us and let them label us an option? Become another person who they could use for meals or sex whenever they’re in need? To dress us and change our overall style as if we were their customizable Barbie/Ken doll? I used to think so. I was just preaching how you could easily distort your flaws but that is from an entirely manipulative standpoint. I used to feel as if it were my duty to satisfy her needs but again, I was ignorant. Now I am wiser, much more experienced and I finally love myself enough to say “Take me as I am. Whoever I am.”
You know how they say “a picture is worth a thousand words?” Well these 8 words are also worth a thousand more
So there we have it. Just a quick snippet of another section from chapter 2 of The Modernization Of Love & Infidelity by George Delgado . Manipulation is so complex and causes more trouble and consequences for the victim but also for the audience who inevitably get involved in the relationship. Hopefully this post will enlighten those who took the time to read. Please let me know if you disagree with anything or if you have any comments/concerns. Thank you for reading, I will be posting more content and excerpts from my upcoming book as time goes on! Be good ppl!
– George Delgado
l o v e & i n f i d e l i t y 