Question:
How will you be spending your Valentine’s Day?
Some will go out to dinner with their partner, maybe grab some flowers and chocolates and if they’re truly in love then they’ll probably get some. I mean what else is the day for? A reason to show our girls and guys that we love them?
It seems like we are programmed from a young age to idolize and desire relationships and love. Specifically on Valentine’s Day. Remember when we would pass out little Valentine’s Day cards in class? What I remember is kids handing out cards to the people who they liked the most. Me? I wasn’t one of them. Yeah, there were kids who had some for every single kid, others didn’t. Maybe that’s where my need for attention and strong desire for love originated?
Whatever, Valentine’s Day is portrayed as the one day where we should appreciate our partners, it always has been. Edible arrangements, flowers, money, kisses, sex, etc. and if you DON’T give your partner anything, the next person will. Most likely, she’ll get multiple gifts REGARDLESS, I mean it’s not like other people outside your relationship have that respect to stay away. Shit, I got my BM something last year and so did the next clown who she knew wanted to fuck her and was kept a secret from me, but this ain’t about me. Point is, to make or break a relationship based off of these standards is a normality. This day is as important as an anniversary or a birthday to some.
Why though? Why is this one day so important? Okay yeah, Valentine disagreed with Emperor Claudius’s decision to ban young men from getting married, which resulted in Valentine continuing to marry young couple thus leading to his execution. But come on, did anyone actually know that? I mean, I went on google and read a quick summary. I didn’t even include the whole history OF Valentine’s Day and why it’s even depicted as a holiday for the “love and be loved” ideals we all pursue.
The reason why I believe this holiday was so blown up to the point where people based their entire relationships off of whether their partner gave them flowers or not, is because of the media. Think about it, people posting pictures of what their partners got them, music made by bands and artists that revolve around Valentine’s Day, television shows and YouTube videos including the topic of love when addressing Valentine’s Day. Obviously I was in grade school before TikTok, Facebook, IG, etc. were even holding young minds captive. With that being said, I can’t speak on how important it may have been to the people of those generations. Maybe it was always a deciding factor, and we’re not as stupid and as easily influenced as I once believed we are. But as a recently single bachelor, I am not worried about getting a woman a gift and if I don’t then she might leave me. I am not worried about saying the wrong thing and possibly ruining her whole day. Maybe if I wanted someone to spend the day with, THEN I’d probably spend a few hundred dollars on a potential love interest. Whatever though. I don’t have anyone to call my own and that’s okay. I’ve been alone for a over a year. Even when I had a woman, our slowly dying relationship led to me spending the day alone.
I used to feed into the Valentine’s Day hype; getting my girl $300-$500 gifts, flowers, jewelry and her favorite chocolates. Then get our daughter gifts, flowers and chocolates as well because her first love should always be her father. Her father should be the one to teach her how a man should treat a woman and what it’s like to be loved unconditionally. Although she isn’t biologically mine, I’ve raised her since she was 6-9 months old, and these past 8 years have changed my mentality towards kids, relationships and love as a whole.
I don’t think that Valentine’s Day is a waste of a day, I don’t think that people who celebrate it are “stupid or following the trends.” I believe that people can do whatever they want and it’s honestly nice to have specific days to look forward to. I mean, I was blind to why Valentine’s Day was so special back then. I used to think it was another day. Whereas now, if I were to find a new girlfriend, wife or partner, I would do my best to celebrate our love every chance I get. Love does NOT come easily, manipulation is absolutely real, and heartbreak is expected. We’re only human so to hold someone accountable for feeling temptation and refusing cherish you at all times is unrealistic. Not impossible because just like temptation is human nature, so is self-control. So again, not unrealistic but absolutely unrealistic. I guess it makes sense as to why Valentine’s Day is designed for partner appreciation… But you know… Human nature gets in the way of perfection. Blame Even though, she cursed the rest of us and originated heartbreak, infidelity and acted upon temptation. 🤔
On another note:
I also don’t think anyone should stress over whether or not they have a partner for Valentine’s. A sad but very realistic point someone brought up is, if you don’t get a gift or even acknowledgment on Valentine’s Day, chances are you are the side piece. Men/women will give a gift and express their love to whomever they truly love. With that being said, this person isn’t wrong. Although the intentions were to brag about being a “main bitch” or “having any n***a she wants,” but for many of us, we aren’t even aware of the other people our partners are messing with.
Shit, it took me 7 years to realize I was only ever an option. A means to an end that revolved around using me to try and to grasp the attention/jealousy of another man. While I was at home raising my son and a child who I saw as my own, she was out doing whoever and whatever with guys who were actually WANTED. None had put in the work nor invested years and thousands of dollars to prove their love. Unfortunately, my role was always “the dumb ass mf whose girl was out doing whatever/whoever she wants.” I didn’t accept it at first but putting the family and relationship foundation which was built on lies and lust aside, it’s okay to be single. It’s okay to love yourself. And it’s definitely okay to spoil yourself before you spoil someone who never really loved you. When you don’t live yourself, you seek it from someone who will only use you in order to reach their own goals.
Keep your heads up my fellow kings and queens. One day we’ll be loved and appreciated. One day WE will be the people who are chased and envied.
So now regarding another topic I wanted to discuss; my second book. As the few you readers know, I am writing about modern dating, love, heartbreak, toxicity in relationships and including awareness on modern rape culture and domestic abuse. I’m having a hard time structuring it and finding fellow female writer’s/women who would give me insight on certain topics ONLY A WOMAN could write about and understand. Understandably so, seeing as I am writing about sensitive tooics. Of course I’ve messaged and offered to pay a few ladies for their input but just like when I hit up a female I find attractive, I get left on read 🥲
My projected timeline was to finish this book by January 2021 but unfortunately that deadline already passed and I still have so much to do. Revisions, editing, finding beta readers, including citing pages, marketing and so much more. Even though I’m about 100 pages in, I’d still like to make this project as perfect and as informative as possible. So if any ladies would like to help me with research, assist me in writing a piece on certain topics I need a her views on, and/or model for my book cover please reach out to me!
Anyways, below is another excerpt from my book. Please critique and provide constructive criticism on what I have so far. Be harsh! That’s the only way I could get better.
Love & Infidelity;
Chapter 2: Love
“Is there a reason why I started the book on such a depressing note? Maybe I wanted people to understand how quickly things can go wrong when you’re not as attentive as you should be? Or maybe I just thought that always keeping your guard up is crucial when giving your heart and love to someone who may tear it up after they grow tired? It’s neither of the above actually, there’s no set manual when figuring out how relationships work or how to properly love your partner, so I thought it best to keep that theme of randomness alive as you read on.
I defined love as potentially painful but what about the other side of it? Love can absolutely be the most beautiful feeling that one will ever experience. The meaning of life for some. The tragic end for others whom are willing to live and die for those who they consider close. Whether it be family, a significant other or a friend, love bestows a sense of completion along with a brand new vision on life. An ambiance that illuminates the vastly vaguest hearts and minds. It may seem like it’s all beauty and euphoria but love also has the power to break a man. Well, it can break anyone, but in this sense, it can make an alpha quickly deter. Especially when the alpha loves someone who doesn’t love them back. Love is most painful to someone when they chase and plead for their love interest to want them or take them back. It replaces their masculinity and/or independence with a hope of mutual interest.
For a woman, to love another is to completely give herself to them. Similar to men, they put themselves in a vulnerable position for the person they love. Though, unlike most men, they pour their feelings immediately sometimes overwhelming their partner. It’s common for a man to stay closed off because for many of us, we were taught that men are meant to hide our feelings so when we finally open up to a woman it’s because we truly feel one with them.
Of course that was our older generations, these days raising a child is not the same as how we were raised so I’m assuming my son’s love life will be different from my own, seeing that we love him unconditionally and teach him to express his love rather than holding his emotions in. While for my step daughter I pray that her heart breaks are no where near as devastating as her mother’s. I pray that she learns what it’s like to be loved by a man who genuinely cares about her, and being the only consistent father figure in her life, i hope that I play the part confidently and effectively as she grows older.
Everyday we wish that we could experience the feeling of being loved and faithfully loving someone else even more than they could ever imagine. Personally, I crave it more than life. I search for it behind every turn and crevice. I find myself wondering if I’ll ever find it again. Sometimes it seems as if I’ve already had my chance and didn’t savor it enough.
We all want to be loved, but as most have heard before; you must love yourself before you can love anyone else. That being the most heartbreaking piece of wisdom I once received from a woman who single-handedly tore my heart in two.
I thought I knew what love was. I was willing to bleed out a river to demonstrate the love I felt for her. I used my sharpest knife to slice her name into my chest with the hope that she’d see the severity of my undying love. Unfortunately, now all I have left are scars throughout my body and polaroids of a past experience that left me with a hole in my heart and a racing mind creating scenarios of what could have been.”
So that concludes today’s thoughts! That was just a minor excerpt from my 2nd chapter: Love.
Thank you and love yourself before you love anyone else,
Lord George Delgado, Esquire, Ph. D, King of the North and most interesting man alive.
l o v e & i n f i d e l i t y 